Nature-Nurture Issue

This doesn't really have anything to do with dogs, but it's something I've been thinking about, spurred on by a research paper I'm writing and now I need to get it all out.

We inherit an awful lot from our parents. Genetically, they give us everything we are and they continue to shape us throughout our childhood (and maybe, our lifetime). It's the whole point of parenthood, isn't it?

So I'd been doing a lot of thinking on what I've inherited from my parents and what type of environment they brought me up in. My parents are very different people and they had very different opinions on how we should be raised. As a child, my mother was always relaxed and easy-going, but never seemed to have her head on straight. My father, by comparison, was the smartest person I knew and always kept strict, organized schedules--for us and for him. It wasn't really surprising when they split up. What was surprising was when I started to look back and think critically about my childhood.

My father used to be the smartest person I thought I'd ever know. I looked up to him for much of my childhood and always wanted to imitate him. When he became a firefighter, that was my dream job. When I saw him playing with computers, I wanted to know how they worked. When he was playing video games, I wanted to know what games he liked so I could play them too. My father taught me that education was important and the only way I could lift myself out of the pit of human depravity. He taught me that, to survive, I had to be strong and cruel and clever. He taught me guilt without religion and showed me that no matter what, in a conflict where the answer was unclear, the burden of proof would fall on my shoulders. He taught me I was a liar and showed me that aggression was how we reacted to things we did not understand or did not want to cope with. Most of all, he taught me that love was conditional--that I had to be obedient to be ideal. Now that I'm older, he seems to think that the burden of proof is still on me and that I should be the one to reach out and seek to be forgiven for the trouble I caused as a child. I do not hate my father--he's just a man who became a father before he was ready, and I thank him - in some ways - for the person I have become.

By comparison, I always thought my mother was a hebetudinous person with no aspiration. I didn't see her as a hard worker, or particularly clever, like my father. She's always had a lot of trouble with herself and never seemed very reliable. I never gave my mother enough credit when I was younger. My mother taught me to explore everything I could and question everything I did not understand. She taught me that I could do whatever I wanted in life, but there would always be consequences to my actions--and I'd face those consequences with honesty and grace. She showed me that people deserve some time, compassion, and understanding. She never applied pressure, but knew I would continue my journey through life at my own pace. Most of all, my mother showed me that love is unconditional and it is actions, not the people, who should be condemned.

To have such dichotomy in my upbringing and, I presume, my genetic code is a blessing. My childhood was by no means "bad". "Troubled", sure--but who doesn't have some troubles growing up? I am grateful that my parents helped me become the person I am today, even if they didn't know how they might impact me at the time.